In Pursuit Of...

This past Wednesday, marked the one year anniversary of my last day, at my not so picture perfect dream job. The energy and atmosphere that had initially drawn me to the company definitely had evolved, to say the least. I had really loved this job, too. I was completely 'all in'; so it was surreal to be at that point. Beyond that, it was still technically a “good job” by industry standards and although it was not my ultimate destination, it was definitely a career stepping stone on the way to there. So how did we get to this point of parting ways? How did it get to me turning in my notice, unbeknownst to even me? No but seriously… I’m asking because even I’m still trying to figure it out myself!

To put it simply, the job had gone down hill... and then a little farther. Then things just kept moving exponentially along, it seemed. I had stayed longer than I needed to, but had put in so much time, effort and energy that I became shortsighted and frankly comfortable. By the time I was nearing my brink I had finally come up with an active exit strategy and was working it. I started the interviewing process and tried to figure out what the logical next step should be. However one day a conversation began that just made things more immediately clear. The last strand of je ne sais quoi that had me hanging on, snapped! “You’re not succeeding here because you’re not supposed to BE here,” I could hear the still, small voice inside me saying; quite loudly and apparently quite immediately at that. I mean, not even so much as a second longer. I shut the conversation down, walked back to the office, called my boss and gave notice.

And of course since it was a “good job” I was crazy. And in my career field no less? Crazy. With benefits and PTO? Crazy. “Oh my God, and the middle of Christmas?”... Crazy. “Where are you going?” “What are you going to do?” CRAZY; like full on nutso. So many questions from every possible angle, myself included. It was frightening; but my LORD it was freeing! I was feeling very Andy Sachs, fleeing Paris in The Devil Wears Prada. So immersed, so all in and so instantly and thoroughly disenchanted on several levels. Things were changing in my life. They just had to move on; no exceptions. So I approached the holidays and upcoming New Year’s with ample time on my hands with nothing but my thoughts, than I’ve had in years. It brought clarity, but also confusion. I know what I want to do. I’ve always known. My inner voice saying, “I know the road is complicated but, why not just jump in, right? NO… that’s crazy!... But, is it?” So many thoughts creep in and stall you right after the tipping point sometimes. All this momentum with nowhere to go...

I got word from one of the more promising companies that I’d been interviewing with that they had decided to go to a different direction (after some very suspected, secret interference by a non-local member of the company I was now actively leaving. Allegedly, mind you, but strongly suspected and even hinted at during my final interview with this potential company’s regional manager. BOLD, but we digress.) What was I going to do the morning after my last day? What direction do I choose? How do I start? It felt like continuing on in my field, in the same fashion was now mindfully treading water in the stream of life. So I took my sister’s suggestion to take some much needed time off, instead of merely steamrolling forward. After the New Year, I just got a job bartending. But again, it bought time and kept me busy; however, clearly not where I was supposed to be either. It’s funny how quickly being comfortable changes, standards. It wasn't a bad gig, but the hours were brutal. Spending hours that turn into years, being a cog in the wheel of someone else’s dream... again. It couldn't work now if only for the fact that it left me no time for the new thing that was happening in me. I left there and found the place that I’m at now. The hours were perfect and gave me time to explore and envision the next few steps in life, let alone time to game plan for it.

So I set new and different goals heading into 2016. And while some of those goals have been achieved, some of them remain on the slate for 2017. And I’m totally ok with that. I am in such a better place trying to boldly blaze my own trail, than I was trying to navigate down the suggested tried and true path life provides. I’m immensely happier, which to be honest is what I left in pursuit of to begin with. It may have taken God moving my circumstances around in ways that I did not understand at all at first, and that clearly made me uncomfortable. However, where would I be if I just didn’t act in that very moment and trust Him? I’d still be ‘comfortable’, that’s for sure. But in that comfort I would be, falling short of his plan for me. In that comfort, I would be settling. I would be missing out on the many blessings He wants to provide for being obedient to that still small voice inside. I’d be surviving on my own instead of thriving through faith. So I listened, and I leaped. I am immensely grateful that He is faithful; so faithful. If there is anything to take away from this, it's that if God winks at you, GO with it! This path has been it’s own thing; new and different everyday. Definitely, unexpected in a lot of ways, but good nonetheless. But this leap of faith has definitely paid off. I’m going to continue to trust His process because it’s working. Got to keep going; gotta keep growing. Starting this blog is completely part of that process and I’m ready for the adventure and change it’s going to bring. So I’m going to follow this path, as it keeps unfolding before me, with an open heart and mind. My hope is that you follow along, with my words and journey somehow adding value to your world.