Dear Depression...

Ok 2019, I didn’t think we needed to add a trip to the ER to this years list of events but that happened yesterday. I’m feeling a lot better now that my stomach doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode and I can keep fluids down again. It was a rough, rough moment and I’m so grateful for the staff at University Medical Center Emergency Room. It took me a few hours to start fully normalizing but they were so on top of it. If you are in the New Orleans area and need emergency care, you’ll be in good hands there.

I want my appetite back, as well as my regular sleep cycle. The appetite is sneaking back in at times but the sleep thing needs to hurry the heck up. It’s also day one for quitting smoking again. It’s a gross habit and I’m ready to part ways with it again. I picked it back up at the beginning of the summer after I witnessed the exes infidelity with my own eyes. However, cigarettes are no way to handle stress. So I do expect the appetite back in full swing soon if only for transference.

Oddly enough right after the Tinder incident heard round the world I got this huge patch of eczema down the whole, left side of my body and down the front of both my shins. My eczema is stress induced so that was expected. But it wouldn’t go away, neither would the amount of things that just weren’t adding up. It was painful too y’all; hands down the worst run in with it ever. It constantly itched and would bleed often and scar. I couldn’t shave of where shorts/dresses nearly as often as I wanted. I mean I did because summer in Louisiana is no joke, but not nearly as often as I would like because people would just look at my legs like I was a leper or something. Plus it’s not like I could shave my legs to where shorts anyway without them bleeding more.

I digress. Like I said things weren’t adding up still. I prayed radically after he left for a trip to God that if any part of this relationship was from Him to take it fully away. So He did. Once I realized that not only was infidelity was still afoot but had ramped up actually, I confronted him about and we split up for good. But literally a week later my side was clear. My shins are moving a little slower. There’s still a little scarring on both that may be there for a bit, but hopefully should clear up. But can I get an amen for intuition! God gives it to us for a reason. I never had a reason to be jealous with him. Even when his ex tried to throw a wrench into things after we had started dating. I let him know I thought she was trying to mess with his head. And it played out that way; in time she was exposed. But he genuinely didn’t give me the cheating vibe until I saw it with my own two eyes. He literally swiped left in front of me. And that’s not jealousy; that’s fact. He did that to me, in front of me.

Regardless, I guess the point I’m trying to make is trust the intuition that God gives you. It’s there to protect you for a reason. I dodged a bullet and I’m so grateful. I’m not really sad about the loss of the relationship either now that clarity of what I just saved myself from has settled in. That’s been lifted off me. I’m just still trying to process the whole year front to back in general at this point. So much happened and I’m trying to make peace with not needing to know why and trusting that God will redeem the time. With that being said, once I’m fully charged again (physically speaking) I’m not taking any crap from the rest of this year or this depression. I’m taking it all head on.

Come on 2020!